Bid My Blood to Run
by Carleen
Summary: A different approach to the FemShep/Garrus relationship. He's a turian and perhaps not always the kind-hearted and gentle teddy bear we've come to expect. Adult situations about adult relationships. Rated M for a good reason.
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: Bid My Blood To Run

PART: 1

LOCATION: SR-2 Normandy

AN: So uh... While I've read plenty of wonderfully erotic and romantic Garrus/FemShep stories. I never really felt up to the task, or couldn't think of something to add. Then I thought about a different approach. Would love to know what you think. Adult stuff in here.

* * *

_All this time I can't believe I couldn't see _

_Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me _

_I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems _

_Got to open my eyes to everything_

* * *

The feelings continued to taunt and tease. She doesn't have time for feelings or needs. Ignoring them hadn't worked. Running twelve miles just left her breathless and overheated. The punching bag scraped her knuckles raw. A scalding shower burned her skin, but did nothing to ease her pain. Escaping into sleep? She woke lonely and restless. And so much for the oblivion of her beloved single malt. These days, a stiff drink just tore up her stomach.

She might be Commander Shepard, but every so often biology reminded her she was also a woman. Tonight that lonely woman restlessly prowled the confines of her quarters. Her ostentatious quarters, with a large empty bed and an absurd aquarium. What would her crew think if they knew she spent most nights tossing and turning on the narrow couch?

What were her other choices? Not that she had any real choices. After all, Space is where she does her job. So where do you want to be? She asked herself trying to fight off this lonely isolation and feelings of inevitable mortality. A house in the city or a house in the country? A house full of children and a garden? A happy home and a loving husband? Who would save the galaxy if she were planting tomatoes and dropping the kids off at school? Who would gather resources and recruit allies if she were off having a life? Selfish girl. And everyone died. Right?

Count your blessings, Katherine. What do you have? A beautiful ship, a brave and faithful crew. And God, how she loved every single one of them.

Wait. What about sex? Maybe she just needed to get laid?

Who the hell had time for that? Meet a guy, get to know a guy, actually like the guy and accomplish all that between dangerous missions under the scrutiny of the other races. That's where guys had it easy. The last two requirements weren't very important to them; all they really required was your presence. Shepard flopped down on her bed; maybe that was a bit harsh. But, dammit, they did have it easier.

The embroidered asari quilt under her cheek mocked her. She'd purchased some stuff for her quarters, but nesting hadn't helped. She'd prepared a meal for her crew. Nurturing hadn't helped. So it was back to sex. Wait, what about something different? Exotic or otherwise, it'd been a long time since she'd been with anyone. Thane had expressed his admiration. She knew him, liked him, even admired him and he was a gentleman. Problem solved.

Heading to her desk she almost tripped over her own feet. After her shower she'd put on this ridiculous asari dress. It was too damn tight and she could hardly walk in it. First thing tomorrow she'd toss both this absurd straight jacket of a dress and that slut-ifying black leather thing out the airlock. Get rid of all the damn 'girl clothes' in her closet. As her life stood now, they served no purpose.

Talking to Thane only added to her unease. The sound of her own voice had a thin and almost pleading tone. But he sounded pleased. At least, she thought he sounded pleased. What if he...? What if he saw this as a sort of loyalty mission? Or just a pity fuck? Maybe this was a mistake? Come on Shepard, you can do this. You need this.

He'd said an hour. Okay, an hour. With a scotch in her hands she began to pace. After just five minutes her door opened and she recognized the quick strides of Garrus Vakarian as he rounded on her.

"What are you doing with the drell?"

"I'm absolutely positive this is none of your business."

"He's an assassin."

"He likes me."

"He's an_ amphibian_!"

"And I'm a human and you're an avian. So what? You're heading into dangerous waters, my friend."

"Really? Since you brought it up. Do you plan to have sex with him in the fish tank? Let him fertilize your eggs by spawning on you?"

"_Maybe that's why I have a fish tank and not a bird cage!" _

"Very funny. Look around you. You're already in a cage! What_ you need_ is a quiet and safe place."

"You have_ no idea_ what I need."

"Oh, one of us is in a bad mood."

"Don't you dare patronize me Garrus Vakarian. Besides, it seems to me you're the only one around here who's worried about interspecies awkwardness!"

Garrus didn't miss much. Especially where Commander Shepard was concerned. She was in a bad mood, that much was obvious. Her body language shouted trouble. Then she rubbed her hand across her abdomen. He saw it and she noticed he noticed.

"What is it?"

"_NOTHING_. Get out of my quarters now. Unless, of course, you want to watch spawning activities.

"You're in pain and looking for a target."

"I'm looking to get laid."

Hiking the dress to her knees, Shepard moved impatiently to the doorway. Holding it open so Garrus would get the hint. He joined her at the door, but made no move to leave. Instead, he glared down at her, blue eyes snapping in defiance.

"Thane Krios will not be joining you," He replied, voice vibrating from his chest in warning tones.

She took a swing at him and he let her. The blow struck the edge of his armor cowl. Then he tried to grab her hand, because it was entirely possible she'd just broken some bones. Then with a cry, she swung at him with her left hand. That time he stopped her. But she was too quick and followed up with another swing from her injured right hand that rattled his jaw.

"Leave me_ ALONE_!" Shepard stepped forward and the door closed behind her. Under the eerie glow of the fish tank, she moved to a battle stance, up on the balls of her feet, glaring at him her hands balled into fists. The dress slid back down over her legs, allowing her little room for actual movement.

Turning his back on her, Garrus popped the fasteners on his chest plate. The cowl came away and the leggings clattered to the deck. Then he kicked the pile of armor in the general direction of the bathroom. The gloves and visor landed on the desk. All arms and legs and sharp edges. He actually appeared quite intimidating in nothing but a black body suit. Shepard took an involuntarily took a step back when he approached her.

"The fearless Commander Shepard backing away? If it's a fight you want, here I am."

She flew at him, hammering blows to his chest. Instead of warding off her fists, Garrus did the only thing he could think of and circled her with his arms. A turian wouldn't think of it as an embrace. He simply wanted to control her actions and keep her from hurting herself. By the time she slowed down and began to tire, Garrus had his long arms wound tightly around her.

"Why don't you just leave me alone?" She sighed into this chest.

"I've tried and I can't."

"Try harder."

"I will not abandon you, my precious friend. Let me help."

She didn't answer him. But he felt her settle into his embrace. A good sign. As Garrus relaxed too, certain things about her drifted to his awareness. She smelled differently and she felt differently. Instead of firm muscles and hard planes, she was soft, rounded and yielding.

If she were a turian female, he would say she were broadcasting her -_ Spirits_ - her fertility. No wonder. But why would he respond to a human? His instincts answered before his brain could respond. His body softened, taloned hands flexed open, spreading across her body, gripping, and possessing. Then he knew, as he'd always known, it was this human, this female, his brave Shepard.

"Katherine, listen to me. My awkwardness, as you call it, comes from the fear of losing your regard. If this didn't work out then I would have to leave. I don't want to leave… ever. Do you understand?"

"Stop talking," she said, burrowing her face into his hand. She held that hand against her face as she rested against the turian.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. But…"

"I need something, Garrus. I'm so empty it hurts."

"Kaidan loves you and he would know how to please you."

Raising her head, she looked at him wondering if he appreciated the irony of his statement. "You won't let me have Thane, but Kaidan isn't off limits?"

"He's off limits too." Touching his forehead to her's, blue eyes holding her smoky green gaze. "But I want you to be happy. To find happiness and get what you need. I don't understand. So will you show me? Where does it hurt?" Without asking Garrus pushed the dress down to her waist.

She gasped as the air caressed her heavy sore breasts. She pulled his hands to her and show him how to cup them gently. "Then do whatever you would to a turian female or whatever, just touch me. Pulling his head down for a kiss, she leaned into his hands.

Her impudent claim on his mouth and insistence that he touch her human breasts launched a shot of desire through him that took him by surprise. While he pondered the consequences of being aroused by a human female, he murmured against her hair. "You don't know what you're asking for. You wouldn't like it if I were that rough with you."

This needed to stop. So he dropped his hands and stepped away from her. "You don't know anything about turian relationships and I don't understand yours. There is no word for love in the turian language. That's what I want you to understand. "Shepard," he flung his hands up protectively. "I don't understand why your pheromones are driving me crazy."

"Then don't leave me like this, Garrus. I know I'm not what you would find attractive… Never mind. I don't know what I'm saying. I don't want to ruin our friendship with my silly…" Shepard shoved her arms back into the dress.

"Silly?"

"Make love to me Garrus. This soldier might die tomorrow. The woman has so much left to do. But I don't even know how anymore. I feel so used up. Don't let me die like this."

"Shepard...don't."

While he'd been fighting her attack on his senses and his aroused state, Shepard's deft hands found the opening in his shirt. He heard himself moan as her fingers spread over his chest. "Then call it whatever you want. Just don't leave me like this. I need you..."

"No... I don't want to hurt..."

Turning her face into his naked chest, she found an edge and bit down.

Then his body reacted and that's when he knew he was losing control. She had no idea what that really meant. And she would never forgive him for this. Never understand that the man she'd learned to trust and rely on wasn't capable of human love and tenderness. With a triumphant cry, Garrus flipped her over and pushed her down on her knees against the bed. Shepard tried to pull herself up, but Garrus dropped down behind her and caught her hands; spreading their arms above her head.

"Is this what you want, Shepard?"

"Yes!"

"Forgive me…" he whispered.

In an attempt to regain some leverage, she bucked her hips against him. How dare she challenge him? Garrus is beyond taking any time for the female underneath him. His blood igniteed. Born and bred to battle and domination. Any struggle on Shepard's part only inflamed his desire. Blind passion, hot as Palaven's deserts possessed him. Garrus stripped the dress away from her legs.

He always kept his desire for Shepard hidden. He knew enough about humans to appreciate the concept of human romance. But only on an intellectual level. It always left him battling with his turian drive to claim his prize and mark her as his own and the innate respect for a commanding officer. Now she lay bare before him. His for the taking. The ancient instinct drove him on and he grabbed her hips. But Garrus didn't know she wasn't ready for him and she cried out as he drove himself into her, filling her, stretching and scraping delicate walls.

He'd wanted to do this for a long time. To possess this warrior woman and make her his own. Hot blood roared like a sandstorm in his ears. Hands strong enough to break bones held her still. Pinpricks of blood sprang to life under his talons. Her blood. The smell of it inflamed his desire and his head fell back. The sounds and smells of her body as she reacted to him buffeted his senses. Each stroke into the human drove him further into his warrior past. She would be his and she would bend to his will. She was speaking, but the words were indistinct.

"Harder Garrus. Oh, God, _please_!" She called out to him, pushing back against his thrusts. Then inexplicably Shepard turned over. Now he could see her expressive face, with her head up and her jaw clenched. Wild and beautiful, he marveled at the emotions crossing her face. Her hands fisted and twisting into the bedding. Her breasts moved to the beat of their joining. Shepard tilted her hips and he fell deeper into her body.

"Garrus!"

"Submit," he ground out between his mandibles. His voice harsh tangle of sub vocals.

_"Yes... Yes... yes...Garrus." _

The turian began to tease her. Each thrust lasting an eternity. Pulling out the heavy phallus until only the head remained, then striking again.

Shepard could not move with her own will. She could move only with the power of Garrus' thrusts. All her movements dissolved into his, her body flying on the turian's wild strokes until it seemed they were only one being, in perfect harmony, a perfect union within itself. It was a freedom she could only have by surrendering herself.

Garrus drove himself into her, fighting his enjoyment to keep his dominance. His eyes blazing, as he drove them on, his body locked into ancient rhythms.

Then into the cascade of pain-tinged passion and surrender, Shepard felt a hard knot of emotions coalesce in her chest. She reached out blindly for his forearms and clenched at them. Digging her nails into arms.

Dimly worried that he really didn't know if he was pleasing her or not. He rode his own desire to its own climax. Then her orgasm triggered his, with her walls clenching and pulling at him. Then he did a rather un-turian thing, by shouting her name as he emptied himself into her.

The knot of emotions burst in her chest, releasing itself and escaping through her heart. Then much to his surprise, on the wave of her last cry of release she burst into tears.

Utterly shocked, Garrus did the only thing he could think of doing and pulled her across his lap and held her while she cried. Crooning to her he rocked and gentled her like you would with a child.

Then her hands went slack and her head came to rest against his chest. She'd lost consciousness? In one terrifying moment, he noticed the bite marks, the blue and red blood. A bruise bloomed on her rib cage. He'd hurt her bad enough for her to pass out. Should he call Doctor Chakwas?

"Shepard, open your eyes. Are you injured?"

"Yes," she responded sleepily. "The bite marks burn and every muscle hurts. I feel stretched and aching and wonderful." She let her head drop back to his chest and instantly fell back to sleep.

With his free hand the turian pulled the bedclothes around them. After stripping the bed he lifted her gently so she wasn't sitting on the cold deck. When he was satisfied with the arrangement, Garrus got up and quickly turned off all illumination in the room. Then from the bathroom he grabbed a soft towel.

Rejoining her on the floor he pulled her into the circle of his arms and legs. Slowly and methodically cleaning her body. He'd hurt her... injured her, and she would never forgive him. So he would enjoy these last few moments with her before she kicked him out of her quarters and her life.

As he held the soft sweet-smelling woman, a tenderness he didn't recognize possessed him. So when she shivered he laid the cloth aside and pulled a blanket over her shoulders. Dragging his talons across her scalp, smoothing the long strands of hair as he went. When her head dropped against his chest, he moved down to her neck and shoulders with long gentle strokes.

"What are you doing?"

"I marked you as mine and made you a nest. Now I'm grooming you, although it translates better as preening. We're practically married."

"But I don't love you."

In contrast to her statement, her bare arms slid around his waist. Now he could reach all of her. She trembled as he drew his talons down over her back. Slowly stroking over the velvet skin and firm muscles. Down and back up into her hair and across her scalp. When his hands reached her bottom again, he used the opportunity to pull her closer.

Awake again, Shepard guided one of his hands between her legs. Showing him the small nub with her fingers, teaching him the motion. The rough pads of his fingers drove a spike of lust through her body. With her in his arms Garrus monitored her every breath and shiver. When her breath began to come in short gasps and she pressed herself against him, riding him, he kept at it. No turian female would dare ask for more. Never allow her mate to think he hadn't satisfied her. This female did and she was teaching him. By the time she shattered under his hands, he was aroused again. She pulled him down with her and opened herself to him. In that moment of his surrender, he left behind the preconceptions of his species and followed his woman in to the sweet world of their own making. She held him close as lost himself in her, whispering words of promise and gratitude into her ear.

He closed his eyes as the last of the fires cooled into contentment. Garrus buried his face her neck and allowed his other senses to memorize the human female in his arms. He reveled in the sensations created from the comfort of their nest and the incredible sensuousness of their naked flesh touching and moving together. She hadn't kicked him out, but what he'd done to her must be faced.

"Katherine?"

"Mmm?"

"I hurt you."

"Yes, you did. But it's what I wanted. Garrus?" She shifted against him and straddled his hips. "Don't you understand? I needed your strength tonight. I needed to feel alive."

"You wept."

She nodded. "Something tore loose in me. Some awful feelings I'd been carrying around with me. Scared me for a minute. Not a very romantic moment. Sorry."

Garrus snorted a laugh, "you're apologizing to me?"

She ignored his question and covered them both, making sure Garrus had whatever pillow he required for his comfort. When he tried to leave, because he knew this couldn't last. He should get out of here before the moment passed and she realized just how angry she was with him.

"Lay down, Garrus."

"I should go."

"I want to sleep in my nest, with you. Look, I understand more than you think I do about what just happened between us. So before I challenge anymore of your male/female traditions by ordering you to stay, just get the hell down here. Okay?" Then she smiled at him and held out her arms.

He'd been wrong. Everything would be okay. Of course, she was strong enough to take him on. Strong enough to be his mate and understand his nature. The feeling that had no definition in his culture filled him with joy as he stretched out beside her again. Garrus pulled her to his shoulder and nuzzled her smiling face. He'd won his warrior woman and made her a safe place to rest.

"Will you sing to me Garrus?

"Sing?"

"You know, that sound you make with your voice. Sometimes it's soothing and sometimes, well let's just say I can tell when you're angry."

"I know what you mean. So Katherine, you really don't love me?"

"Of course not," managing to keep a straight face and cradled his face in her hands.

"Well, I don't love you either."

"Good 'cause that would just complicate things." Shepard tucked her head against his shoulder to hide her grin. Love him? He was her greatest treasure and tonight they'd come together and confirmed their love in the most intimate expression of that dedication. Then she whispered something and he almost missed it because she said it in his language. "_Ego dilecto meo, et dilectus meus mihi."_

The words caught at his heart and it was all the answer he needed. Something had wonderfully gone right in his world. When Garrus Vakarian finally relaxed against the pillows, he continued carding his fingers through her hair. Then pitching his sub vocals so she felt the vibrations against her cheek. Garrus quietly sang a turian lullaby to her as she drifted off. He wasn't sure if she was kidding about not loving him. But that was okay, because he knew he loved her enough for both of them.

* * *

"I will not abandon you my precious friend." Whistle Down the Wind, Andrew Lloyd Weber you tube /watch?v=vB-H9SR2TRg

_Ego dilecto meo, et dilectus meus mihi _**Song of Solomon 6:3** "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine..."

**Bring Me To Life **

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors? _

_Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb _

_Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold _

_Until you find it there and lead it back home _

_~o~_

_Wake me up inside_

_ Wake me up inside _

_Call my name and save me from the dark _

_Bid my blood to run _

_Before I come undone _

_Save me from the nothing I've become_

_~o~ _

_Now that I know what I'm without _

_You can't just leave me _

_Breathe into me and make me real _

_Bring me to life _

_~o~_

_Wake me up inside _

_Wake me up inside _

_Call my name and save me from the dark _

_Bid my blood to run _

_Before I come undone _

_Save me from the nothing I've become _

_Bring me to life (I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside) _

_Bring me to life_

_~o~ _

_Frozen inside without your touch _

_Without your love, darling _

_Only you are the life among the dead _

_All this time I can't believe I couldn't see _

_Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me _

_I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems _

_Got to open my eyes to everything_

_~o~ _

_Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul _

_Don't let me die here There must be something more _

_B__ring me to life_

_~o~ _

_Wake me up inside _

_Wake me up inside _

_Call my name and save me from the dark _

_~o~_

Evanescence you tube: watch?v=r_0PdxKFrTw


	2. Chapter 2

TITLE: My Immortal

PART: 2

LOCATION: SR-s Normandy (post ME3 ending)

AN: So it occurs to me that I keep writing this same theme over and over. Hmm, I guess it's cheaper than therapy and a lot more fun 8-) Also: Third paragraph, Shepard sleeping in his arms. Garrus watching over her. This picture was my inspiration: sporkeyanonymous . deviantart art / Time-to-cool-down-306001316 Amazing artist.

* * *

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

* * *

Only two steps. But he couldn't make himself walk forward. Two steps into a lifeless room shrouded in darkness. The aquarium is still and dark. The scent of decaying fish floated in the stale air. Even the skylight is closed. The darkness almost hides the fact the room is frozen in time. Like an old-fashioned photograph of a moment held forever and without movement by the camera. Frozen, on that morning, that represented their last moments together. A day which held real expectations they might not survive. For all the joy he'd found in this room, he hated it now.

Instead of entering the room, Garrus lowered his head and squeezed his hands into fists. He wanted to manage this grief. The crew looked to him now, and he wanted to find some strength for them to tap into. But the relatively quiet sound of the hatch closing behind him made him flinch, and now he felt trapped. If he entered this room, it meant he accepted her death. Forcing himself to look up and make his legs move proved impossible. The Normandy was twenty-four hours from earth. Admiral Hackett asked him to retrieve Shepard's personal effects from her quarters. But now was not the time. The pain too great and the nightmare still held him in its grip.

The night before the battle for earth they'd made love gently, with hushed voices and quiet movements. As if they could slow time by savoring each word and gesture. He'd done his best to sate her so she might sleep. Finally, with her body resting on his, he heard her breathing slow and her heart resumed a steady beat. And for the rest of the night he counted those heartbeats.

The next morning they woke at the same time. Shepard pulled away from his embrace without meeting his eyes. But she'd kissed his scarred cheek and silently went about her morning routine. Just a mumbled thanks when he handed her a mug of coffee. She checked his pack, replaced the empty water bottle and tucked two protein bars inside. The familiar communion of donning their armor completed in silence. When he'd made an alternate weapon suggestion, she simply accepted the rifle without question or comment. Then time betrayed them both with Joker's call from the bridge and the lieutenant's voice announcing the Kodiak's readiness.

Then she left him and headed up to the cockpit to speak to Joker. Later, when she met him in the hangar deck, he noticed the set of her jaw and the shine of tears in her eyes. With a quick grab of his arm, she steadied herself and drew what strength she needed to press on. How do you say goodbye to someone you love like a kid brother. Joker had been the strong one by getting up from his chair and snapping her a salute. When all she'd wanted to do was hug him or take him back to the apartment and listen to him tell jokes and make fun of her dancing. Anything just to stop time. Anything to keep them safe. The first thing they teach you in boot camp, is the same thing they remind you in N7 training: Keep moving and follow the man in front of you. Move. Fight. Live. There is refuge in these conventional rituals.

On earth, they stepped from the shuttle directly into the fight and made their way slowly to Admiral Anderson's bunker. They listened to the admiral's instructions and discussed tactics. Then he reminded her to pick her team carefully. Garrus really didn't know what he would have done if she hadn't picked him to go with her. But she had, and the trio who'd been with her from the early days collected their gear and prepared to move out. Tali and Garrus stopped when she put her hand up. She wanted to take time to speak privately to her crew. While she was gone Garrus and Tali simply stood close together and waited. What more was there to say? There is love, respect and there is hope.

Such a disparate group. They were blessed to have found each other at all. And now they would take that strength into battle with them. The sounds of fighting sounded louder now. The fires of London illuminated the horizon. If it wasn't for the few stars still shining in the sky, Garrus wasn't sure if it were night or day. Then the flash of red hair against the drab and cluttered ground outside. Shepard was back and he watched her take the stairs two at a time. A small spark of panic gripped his heart. This was it. How do you watch someone walk to away to meet their fate, when you can do nothing to stop it? He suddenly realized he'd never expressed his love for her. Was now time? Days before, on the Citadel, her response to his question, 'was she ready to become one turian woman' filled him with pride. But there was much they hadn't shared and so much left to do. Share a life? A child? Garrus never told her turians mated for life.

Still standing at the entrance to her quarters, Garrus forced the memories of battle away. They'd never found Anderson's or Shepard's bodies. The earth was her tomb and maybe that was appropriate.

Afterwards, they encouraged him to remain in her quarters. Everyone agreed that it was only right. He hadn't the heart to argue with them, or admit he couldn't make himself activate the elevator button. He didn't need to go there to know what is gone, what was left behind and waits for him.

Almost anywhere on this ship was okay, but not here. The uncomfortable human bed and nearly inaccessible human bathroom. He knew without looking that on the right side of the bed, almost hidden from view, lay a pile of blankets and pillows. Over time, they'd added a basket and tray for food and drink. A pile of books she never had the chance to read and a stack of PADDS. She never allowed anyone to move their "nest." In fact, Gardner had been relieved of all duties in her quarters except general cleaning. She replaced the bedding whenever she changed the sheets on the bed. Otherwise, the nest remained the same as the night he created it for her.

The small details are what enrich the relationship of any couple. Her ferocious attention to every detail. Her humor and free-spirited nudity. Talking to him from the bathroom, no matter how many times he reminded her he could not hear her through the closed door or over the sound of the water. Her solution? She took to leaving the door open. Watching the water cascade over her naked body, left him little energy for listening to serious conversation.

On her desk lay the holographic chess set, the bottle of lotion for soothing her new turian clan tattoo (located in a place only Garrus and the ink artist knew about). The models still in their holders, a cold cup of coffee, the keys to the Citadel apartment and her personal items in the bathroom. The towel, on the floor as usual, from the last time she took a shower. The weapon she always meant to take to Vega for adjustment propped next to the door.

Her complete willingness to take on any turian tradition he mentioned or she read about. He watched her, with a full heart, take on the duties of a "nesting" turian female. She'd learned to prepare meals for him and she fussed. The indomitable Commander Shepard fussing over him, because he hadn't taken the time to eat or rest. Amidst the stark realities of a war, Shepard made a home for them. Something he had not experienced since his mother died and left home at fifteen to join the military.

Once, she showed him a book, complete with color pictures, of turian sexual positions. She wanted to try the one entitled, of all things "The Bridge". She waited expectantly, while he stared at the picture in horror.

Their attempt left her laughing on the floor with a wrenched shoulder and Garrus, definitely not laughing, with muscle spasms. They'd agreed (Agreed? He would have locked her in the closet before he let anyone find out about this.) not to go to Doctor Chakwas with their injuries. So she'd snuck down to the Galley for ice and nursed each other back to health. While at no point did Garrus find it amusing, she was still laughing about it the next day and the day after when she had to help into his armor. In response to his glowering, she'd simply thrown her arms around him, nipped at his neck and whispered, "_te amo_."

He realized then, she'd either brazenly (she was Commander Shepard, after all) added a new word to his language or managed to discover the word in some obscure turian dialect. If any turian had ever been loved like this, that word would have been added to his language a long time ago. For all of these changes in her, or perhaps she'd never had the opportunity to allow those behaviors to come forth? Outside this room and in her armor she was still their commander. He marveled at those changes and loved her all the more.

His grief at losing her carved furrows of pain through him and left him in an emotional turmoil. No amount of good old-fashioned turian fatalism could prepare him for watching her jump off the Normandy's ramp and head back into battle without him at her side. Or that the miracle of her love for him was now no more than the shadows of her movements in this room. He would never see her smile again. Watch humor shine in her eyes. Never touch her shoulder and share that look which said, no matter how bad the fight, things would be okay. Never watch her lean against a doorway with her arms crossed over chest. Never marvel at her courage or abilities, never hold her in the aftermath of their love-making.

After the battle, after the Catalyst did its work. A firestorm erupted around the Citadel and he'd made Joker leave the area. He'd ordered him to do it. To save the ship and crew they left her behind. You never left a shipmate behind. Ever.

Miraculously, Joker made a controlled crash on some obscure planet. With only minor injuries to the crew. The jungle planet proved easier to escape from than these memories. The repairs were inconsequential. They looked at him expectantly, once Joker got them in the air again. They had to go back to earth. No matter where he looked the crew's hollowed eyes and emotion-lined faces reminded him that she was gone. She sacrificed herself so they might live. Not just for her crew, but the remainder of the Citadel races. He'd loved her and lost her twice now. There was nothing left in him. If he couldn't make himself walk down these two steps, how would be get off the ship? They were twenty-four hours from earth now. What would they find there?

~o~

Five months he'd worked for Admiral Hackett, traveling from place to place. Several times to the outer planets. He listened to problems and marshaled resources. He compiled census data on orphans and displaced families and attempted to reunite veterans with their loved ones. It was good work. Was it interesting work? No. Did it keep him busy? Yes. Should he be doing this same work on Palaven? Probably. But the same gut feeling that kept him from placing Shepard's name plate on the Normandy's memorial wall, kept him from leaving earth. So he stayed with it. And gradually absorbed the fact that almost everyone he came into contact with had lost a loved one. He knew their grief and understood. That understanding didn't stop him from looking for Shepard in the scared face of every orphan and the grieving features of the ones left behind.

This morning, he realized he'd come full circle back to Great Britain. Just now he stood on an area of land known as Glastonbury Abbey, located on the south west coast of England. The area held a long history of romance, magic and epic battles. After the battle for earth, the entire area became a hospital and R & R center for the Alliance military and associated civilians. Garrus stood with the medical director on a breeze swept expanse of lawn discussing medical supply requisitions. A skirt of green grass sloped gently toward the with a simple wooden railing directing the casual hiker away from the steep path that led down to the sea.

Although he normally found the islands too wet and cold. He finally learned to appreciate the beauty of Great Britain. In fact, since the war Garrus learned to appreciate the variety of colorful landscapes earth had to offer. Garrus raised his face to the summer breeze. A genuine warm summer day. He didn't think he would miss it.

This was his last job. It was time to go home. After this interview, Garrus would turn the work over to his staff and return to Palaven. Admiral Hackett tried to talk him out of leaving. But finally he understood and wished the turian well. He wanted to see his father and sister. His father had practically ordered him to return home. Time to pull a life together from the pieces of war. Garrus shook it off and turned his attention back to the director.

As the doctor droned on, something on the lawn pulled his attention away again. Garrus' gaze followed the path to the water's edge and noticed a quick movement among the resting patients and visitors. A few of them complained about the intrusion of the small figure wrapped in blankets and large straw hat in a wheelchair. Then the chair and the passenger seemed to disappear over the edge. Garrus watched, torn between alerting the doctor or checking on the patient himself. Behind him the physician spoke to one of the medical technicians standing close by.

"She's on the move again, Mister Snyder. Better go get her."

"She just wants to listen to the birds, Doc."

"That the wheelchair is not an all terrain vehicle. We don't want another scene with her crawling around in the sand looking for nests. Grab some help and get down there."

When the med-tech shrugged his shoulders and walked slowly away. The turian's impatience grew, the person could be injured and no one seemed to be in much of a hurry to assist. Then he decided since he's closest to the patient he will head down. The patient might be injured. But as Garrus hurried away he missed the doctor's call.

"Meet me in the exam room one. Yes, it's Jane Doe again. Nothing's changed. She's probably injured herself again. No. I don't know when we can treat her. We can't even I.D. her, much less repair the extensive damage to her synthetics. No word on her eyes. We don't even have the resources to regrow the tissue. The burns and broken bones we fixed. I don't even know anyone left alive who knows how. I think we may have to confine her. Look, just meet me there."

The sound of the man's voice faded as Garrus walked down the slope of green grass. Seabirds screeched and cartwheel over the breaking waves. Sun glinted off the wet rocks, blinding him for a moment. Just below him the whine of an electric chair as it caught against the edge of the path. The chair tilted sharply to the right threatening to dump its passenger.

"God damn thing doesn't drive any better than that Mako!" The driver grumbled, throwing their weight to the left to straighten the chair. Then the straw hat went flying as the wind tore it off and Garrus watched it fly away. The flash of red against the blues and grays caught his eye.

The chair is pointed directly at the edge of a drop-off now. The passenger is about to resume her head-long journey to the shoreline. Garrus hurried down the path, his feet moving without conscious thought. Without looking he moved passed the chair attempting to block the patient from going further. Then turning slowly, he does not allow himself a moment of hope. He was, after all, simply here to provide aid to a patient.

The chair rolled to a stop in front of him and bumped into his legs.

"Who's there? Get outta my way!"

Dropping down to knees which could no longer hold him upright Garrus stared into the beautiful and fierce face of his beloved Shepard. His heart didn't see the scars or the blind eyes.

The frail redhead slapped his hands away from the chair rails. "Move, mister!" Then she cried out when a finger contacted a sharp talon. Her hand jerked back, but her head came up, blind eyes searching. Then one by one, fingertips crept back as she silently began to explore.

Up his arm they traveled examining the three-fingered hand, the soft leather skin of his arm and the softer texture of a wool sleeve. They followed the outline of his shoulders and continue up his neck, lingering over the carapace. Then her left hand began its own path of discovery.

Garrus held his breath, forced himself to stay still. Until all the grief and guilt came boiling out from his heart. A keening cry rose in his throat as he bowed his head. His brow plates against her forehead.

His movement caused her hand slid up to his mandibles. Where she began to trace the outline of familiar shapes. As if she were counting each scar, recalling their texture and accompanying memories.

"I...I remember they drove you wild once..." he said, his voice choked with emotion.

The patient said a word he thought he'd never hear again. Perhaps its the magic of Glastonbury at work? Perhaps, just now, The Lady of the Lake is smiling? She whispers his name and her breath is warm and alive against his mandibles. The voice is fragile, a fraction of its normal tone, but he knows the sound of his mate's voice. He hears the grief and pain laced through her words.

"_te amo... te amo... te amo_." Garrus rumbled against her cheek, reaching for her, slipping his hands under her and pulling her forward.

Then the much abused wheelchair took its last ride. Bouncing over the rocks and landing in a tide pool after its occupant flung herself at the turian. Sobs wracked the thin body. But Garrus held her close, banishing the demons, soothing the hurt and protecting his mate as he always had and always would.

* * *

**My Immortal**

_I'm so tired of being here _

_Suppressed by all my childish fears _

_And if you have to leave _

_I wish that you would just leave _

_Your presence still lingers here _

_And it won't leave me alone_

_~o~_

_These wounds won't seem to heal _

_This pain is just too real _

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_~o~_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_ When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears _

_And I held your hand through all of these years _

_But you still have _

_All of me_

_~o~_

_You used to captivate me by your resonating light _

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind _

_Your face – it haunts my once pleasant dreams _

_Your voice – it chased away all the sanity in me_

_~o~_

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real _

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone _

_But though you're still with me I've been alone all along_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears _

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears _

_And I held your hand through all of these years _

_But you still have _

_All of me_

_~o~_

**My Immortal**: you tube: watch?v=5anLPw0Efmo

**The Bridge**. Yeah, you go look it up. It's in the Kama Sutra. Easy Google search. When it comes up on your screen the visualization will smack you in the face and you'll be giggling about it from now until Christmas. (giggling madly)

**Miranda Lawson's Lab**: I love watching these TED videos. So interesting. Apparently, we could re-grow a "Shepard" now. (graphic, but fascinating images) blog . ted 2012 / 09 / 13 /10-talks-on-the-future-of-stem-cell-medicine

"Move. Fight. Live." HALO Spartans


End file.
